Walburg

I went to the German bar/restaurant in Walburg on Friday night for my dear friend Annie's birthday. It was a lovely crisp fall evening. We ate, we drank, we listened to German music and watched, but did not participate in dancing.

It was a great, great night, which has got me thinking about the last time I went to Walburg. On this visit, there was mercifully no drunkenness, no pole dancing and I did not have to prevent a member of my party from continually making out with and coming dangerously close to going home with a member of the band. One might think that I'm acting like and old lady by saying this since this sounds like a great night out in college, right? I'd absolutely agree since I did actually have my fair share of fun in college and see no problem with that and have been know to even instigate it. The difference here is that the member of my party referenced above was and is married. What makes it even more offensive is that she constantly gushes about how blissfully happily married she is ad nauseam and had a toddler at the time. No good folks, no good.

I've spent many a year trying to get my life together and have a long way to go. One of my latest goals has been to be work on being less judgmental. "The Walburg Event", as I like to call it, was not enough to get me to distance myself from that woman. Crazy, I know. There were actually three such incidents over the span of just shy of a year and that still was not enough to convince me that this person was toxic. I in the last month finally came to this conclusion. I took the do not judge people goal to an extreme. Thankfully I finally made a decision to cut out this person and a few other toxic people from my life. I myself and some non-optional people in my life have the ability to add toxins a plenty to my life that I don't need any additional help. This is my second cleanse of toxic people in the last several years and I have to say that even though I was slow to see the need to do it, I am happy I did. Next time let's hope it does not take me so damn long to get to this point. My sweet Raymond was fighting the global war on terror at the time so I was kind of a wreck- this might help explain a bit.

weekend accomplishments

My sister ran a marathon this weekend. I truly cannot ever imagine doing something like this myself. Did I mention she works full time and raises two children almost by herself? What did I do this weekend? Not a whole hell of a lot, especially not when you must compare it to something like that.

Last night during my writing group, I found myself detailing the ways that I am currently not doing a good job of self care. Regular exercise is part of what I am not doing (I also spend most of my day seated at a computer ruining my eyes and hands; drink way too much coffee, beer and wine; eat junk food; do not get enough sleep; shower and wash my clothes with a shocking amount of irregularity; often am too exhausted to wash my face at night; and only floss an average of once a week, among many other poor health choices). It is easy to see I have a lot of room for improvement and pretty much the only way to go it up from here. While I ponder getting my act together, I am not sure however, that training for and running a marathon is good self care either. It is an accomplishment for sure, but the cost-benefit analysis makes the overall goodness of this in realation to self care less clear.

In any case, one ought to have respect for things one knows for certain she can never accomplish like running a marathon, driving a city bus, doing a pull up, singing without causing those around to have a pained expression on their faces, being the leader of a religious sect, etc. Well done, Kelsey, well done!

STOP

I'm not sure why it is that people that I would generally consider my friends and with whom I used to spend time without any hidden agenda, now seem to only invite me to spend time with them if they stand to profit from it. I honestly do not like being invited to "parties" of any kind under the veil of friendship when the real purpose is not really to spend time with me (this is just a side benefit at best or just savvy business practice at worst). The objective of such and invitation rather is for me to come, invite any and all of my other friends too, so that we can buy something. In the past, I have felt pressured to go and to buy just one little thing (that ends up costing much more than a comparable item in a shop) so I can leave without feeling guilty. Truthfully, I am done feeling obligated and guilty. I do support women making a career from themselves. I support women in general as a hard core third waver and feminist scholar. However, I am finished with this mixing of objectives. I don't invite people over to my house saying it's a party and then show them all my writing and then try to convince them to subscribe to the journals where I publish or to buy a book in which I have written a chapter.

This all may be a consequence of me being middle-aged and living in the burbs surrounded by a lot of stay-at-home moms. Or perhaps, this is a consequence of our capitalist patriarchal society and its power to convince people that unless you make money you are not worth much. Hard to say when I've only had one cup of coffee. The moral of this post is-if you really don't want to see my shining face and chat with me at your party, but hope that I will buy something and convince all my friends to follow suit, please do not invite me over.