consequences

I've been thinking about this theme lately pretty much because I'm tired of living with the consequences of my decisions and those of others. I'll give a few examples to illustrate.

Ray interviewed for jobs in November since he was scheduled to get out of the Army in January. We were hoping he'd get a job somewhere in Texas, but he didn't. He got one in Rochester, NY so he moved there in January. The consequence of this decision is that I'm all alone here in our house. I miss Ray and I absolutely cannot handle any more of being a home owner by myself. We all have our limits and taking care of a house in the burbs by myself is a duty I can no longer perform. I used to do this stuff before when he was in Iraq, but I'm too exhausted to do it now. This is why friends if you drive by our house and think it's abandoned because the grass (weeds really) are knee high, it's not true. I just can't get the mower started even though I spent half a Saturday a couple of weeks ago when I should have been writing my proposal and grading changing the spark plug and cleaning the filter. These are the unintended/unforeseen consequence of Ray getting a job out of state.

Grad school occupies very much of my time and energy. I love the intellectual stimulation, but it drains my energy and acts like a memory eraser for a short and long term memory that were never great at any point in my life. I often forget birthdays, to answer e-mails, to call people back, or plans I've made with people I really, really like and appreciate. The consequence then of grad school is that I'm a pretty rotten friend and family member. I really don't mean to be this way.

I inherited Marina, a lovely sea blue colored Honda civic in January. I've noticed this really yucky looking stain on the back seat, but never thought much about it thinking it was something from the previous owner that very old and posed no immediate problem. I've also noticed ants in the car on more than one occasion since January. I've wiped things done with strong cleaner surely poisonous to ants because that situation is disgusting. Ray and I talked this morning while I had Skippy at the Bark Park and I mentioned this awful stain and the ants. He confesses that the stain is not old, it's pretty new and it's spilled lasagna. Guess how I'm spending my Easter morning? Scrubbing that horrid stain out to see if the ants that have taken up residence in my car will kindly go away.

See, it's hard. I know it's cliche, but I want a simpler life. I think life post-grad school will be simpler. I say this because I will not have to live in Austin while Ray lives in Rochester and that means he'll help me walk the dog, buy the groceries, mow the grass and weed whack (which by the way I have NEVER been able to do and we've had two of those beastly machines that simple do not work when I attempt to use them), figure out what to do about my demon students, and choose which Netflix movies to add to our cue. Oh, I'll also get my car back (Princess, I love and miss you!) and Ray can deal with the ant problem that is entirely his doing.